Helping the Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: New Behavior Rewires the Brain

Oppositional children can often make parents feel like failures. Their resistance to "flowing with life" makes them testy and defiant. An oppositional child may exhibit some or all of the following signs and symptoms. The child may

a)purposely irritate others;
b)have numerous arguments with adults;
c)be constantly blaming others when it is actually the child's fault;
d)seem overly emotional, becoming irritated very easily;
e)refuse to follow through when adults make a request ;
f)frequently act in a manner that is angry and resentful;
g)speak very hateful and spiteful words when upset ;
h)demand the final say and will seek out vengeance;
i)act as a bully to other people including starting physical fights;
j)may cause bodily harm to people and animals.

You know that most children do argue with their parents and may argue from time to time with other adults. When a child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, however, the symptoms are much more frequent and severe. While many children can move beyond tantrums, the O.D.D. child seems "stuck" in the tantrum stage. Daily events become frustrating to you as a parent because your child has a very difficult time getting "unstuck" from his oppositional response.

One example is the daily battle over doing school work. Your child whines and complains and may even get downright nasty about having to do homework. She comes up with every excuse in the book to explain why she should not have to do it.

You can help release your child from her defiant response by getting her to develop a new set of behavior. We know that every experience generates new circuitry in the brain. Instead of allowing her to deepen her wiring for tantrums, we can help her re-route the wiring by giving her new behavior and skills.

So what can we do? Set up new parameters for response. Make a chart on a piece of paper for each day at home. For instance if she has math, reading and writing each night, place those words on the chart. Indicate the time the work starts. Reward the child when work is done with a sticker or "smiley" face. If the child earns three smiley faces, she will be rewarded with one of the following-- video game, board game with his/her siblings and/or parents, computer time, etc. It is your choice.

Refrain from making a "big scene" if she does not get her sticker. Just wait until she earns the three stickers and give her a reward. The key is positive reinforcement here. By not "rewarding" her with negative attention when she fails to do her work and rewarding her only when she completes her assignments, you are reinforcing the neural circuitry that generates good behavior. However, do not use food as a reward.

If you are not able to work with your child at all, or if her response is consistently negative, you should seek help from school teachers, psychologist and your family doctor. Your child most likely will qualify for special help with teachers trained in dealing with this type of behavior. Your family doctor can help you further by putting you in touch with therapists and other parents who have Oppositional Defiant Disorder children.