When my boys were growing up, we visited Grandpa and Grandma in Massachusetts every Christmas. Even in snow and wind storms, we were there - the day after school broke for the winter holidays. It was a priority for us - to make the long drive across the New York highway where we usually bunked down at a Best Western Inn, enjoyed a lovely dinner and splash in the pool; then we were off the next morning after a lusty oatmeal breakfast to make the final 4 hours home to West Stockbridge.
The trip was a tradition we kept up for over 20 years.
And it has morphed into a new form - my sons and grandkids coming home now to my house for the Christmas ritual. Same feeling, same excitement, only the players have moved on to different parts of the drama.
Such rituals are vital for the sustaining of family life. Research shows that rituals provide meaning to family activities and actually deepen our sense of kinship and identity.
This symbolic component of rituals intensifies the emotional impact of family gatherings that stay with us for years, providing fodder for emotional memories and processing of future events in the light of the past.
That, my friend, is how meaning is created, and how characters are formed and broadened into the community. Like the family dinner, it anchors us to what is true and lasting.
Showing posts with label family values. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family values. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Importance of the Family Dinner
A shared meal is more than just eating together. It is an anchor for families that are more often than not caught in a frenzy of after school, after work activities. With everyone keeping a different agenda or schedule, we need to make a heroic effort to insist on a piece of shared time. Some families can only indulge in the luxury of a Sunday night dinner, but even once a week is better than none at all.
Such insistence is well worth the effort. Time writer Nancy Gibbs says that the family meal "is where a family builds its identity and culture.Legends are passed down, jokes rendered, eventually the wider world examined through the lens of a family's values."
Studies support the idea that this kind of "cocooning" functions like a "kind of vaccine protecting kids from all manner of harm." For example, research indicates that frequent shared family dinners reduce the likelihood of kids taking up smoking, drinking, doing drugs, getting depressed, developing eating disorders or considering suicide.
What's more, frequent shared meals with family increase the likelihood that your kids will do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, increase their vocabulary and know the basics of dinner etiquette.
More at Why the Family Dinner is Important for Your Teen.
Such insistence is well worth the effort. Time writer Nancy Gibbs says that the family meal "is where a family builds its identity and culture.Legends are passed down, jokes rendered, eventually the wider world examined through the lens of a family's values."
Studies support the idea that this kind of "cocooning" functions like a "kind of vaccine protecting kids from all manner of harm." For example, research indicates that frequent shared family dinners reduce the likelihood of kids taking up smoking, drinking, doing drugs, getting depressed, developing eating disorders or considering suicide.
What's more, frequent shared meals with family increase the likelihood that your kids will do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, increase their vocabulary and know the basics of dinner etiquette.
More at Why the Family Dinner is Important for Your Teen.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Things That Must Be Put Back Into Our Children
by Bob Roth, The "College & Career Success" Coach
Over the years, a number of important family values and behaviors have weakened or completely slipped away from the way many children are brought up. I'm talking about the things that make life better for us, our families, schools, neighborhoods and businesses.
All children should be brought up learning the values, manners and behaviors that will be beneficial to them, their families and the other members of our society. Parents teach these things by incorporating them into their daily lives. Values, manners and proper behaviors are learned by children when they are consistently practiced and become the norm for their families.
Here are some values and behaviors that should be taught by parents:
Respect For Other People
From an early age, children should be taught to be courteous to and show respect for their parents and other adults, especially the elderly, religious leaders, police officers, teachers, neighbors and local shop owners, etc. Disrespect should not be tolerated by parents. There can't be too much respect in the world.
The Golden Rule
Although the people in your neighborhood will be of different races, religions and from different countries, we all tend to believe that kindness, goodness and fair treatment are appreciated by us all. That's why children should be taught to follow some form of the golden rule. When that simple rule is regularly practiced by parents, it is easy for children to learn.
Respect For Property
Parents work hard for what they have and what they give their children. Therefore, children should learn to protect and take care of the things for which their parents have worked. That means their home and all of the things inside, including: The car, home furnishings, clothing, electronic equipment, sports equipment and their own toys, etc.
Additionally, children must be taught to respect other people's property. If they damage another child's toys or property, children should be expected to pay for the damage or make things right. Teaching children to take care their own things and being careful with other people's things is a lesson that should be taught by every parent.
The Value Of Education
Parents and young people alike know that a good education is one of the keys to a bright future. The best parents supervise homework assignments and make sure that their younger children are fully prepared for class. In addition to teachers and schools, parents have an obligation to see that their children are performing at their highest level. When young people fail to obtain a good education, their options quickly become limited.
The Importance Of Honesty
Parents must teach their children to tell the truth. That's because honesty is viewed as an indicator of whether one person can trust another person. Every child should know that there will be consequences, when they chose to tell a lie or lie by omission. In later life, dishonest children become dishonest adults.
Being Trustworthy
Every child should be expected to keep his/her promises. That's how children become trustworthy. Nobody can count on another person who doesn't tell the truth and doesn't do what they say they will do, when they say they will do it. If you want your children to grow up to be successful, you must teach them to be trustworthy. Success and trust go hand in hand.
The Value Of Hard Work
Nobody owes us anything except an opportunity to show others what we can do. Every child should accept the fact that they will have to earn what they get. That's why parents should encourage their children to be ambitious and hard working, so they can make something of themselves. When they face problems, well adjusted children will be strong enough to persevere. It's that hard work and perseverance that will lead to success.
Right and Wrong
Children learn the rules of good conduct as they grow up. These are the lessons taught by parents, religious leaders, teachers, fables, books and experience. However, to ensure that these lessons are learned, young people can be reminded of and given examples of the meaning of right and wrong.
Concerned parents should insist that their children do the right thing, even when it means coming in second or losing out completely. Doing wrong and hurting others, for the child's personal gain, is not the kind of behavior that should be acceptable. Doing the right thing is a behavior that speaks to the character and integrity of you and your children.
Good Manners
Good manners reflect directly on a child's parents. When the child is well mannered, everyone knows where they learned those manners. Politeness, courtesy, table manners, respect and language skills are all leaned at home.
A child's manners speak to their upbringing and can either facilitate future success or retard it. That's because, in our society and with rare exception, good manners are expected and required of those people who will become highly successful.
Responsibility
Parents can teach responsibility by requiring children to perform regular chores that are within their capabilities and by holding them accountable for their performance. This means that parents must first set a good example and take responsibility for their own behavior and outcomes. "Do as I say, not as I do" never works.
Self-Discipline
There is a lot to be said for patience and self-discipline. Parents should make a special effort to curtail any selfish and immature behavior on the part of their children. When children are not able to demonstrate self-control, personal restraint, self-discipline and civil behavior, they greatly hurt their chances for gaining the respect and loyalty of others. Nobody appreciates a immature, ill tempered, impatient, demanding and ill mannered child.
Ethical Behavior
Children who develop and practice unethical behavior and ignore acceptable standards of conduct, including our laws, will probably end up in jail. That's why concerned parents should always set a good example by consistently demonstrating the highest form of ethical behavior for their children.
Whenever a child demonstrates unethical behavior, parents must be quick to yank a knot in their tail. Otherwise those unethical children may grow up to be unethical adults, adults who do nothing but cause harm to others.
Forgiveness
This is a behavior that parents sometimes forget to teach. Resentment, holding grudges and looking for payback will destroy relationships and can even destroy the people involved. Whereas forgiveness will sometimes begin to heal a broken relationship. We all make mistakes and deserve the forgiveness of others.
All of the values and behaviors discussed above can contribute to the success of your children. However, as parents, it is your responsibility to both practice and teach these values and behaviors every day. Children watch their parents closely and remember what they see. When you show your children, through your words and actions, that these values and behaviors are important important to you, your children are far more likely to adopt them too.
Visit Bob's web site: www.The4Realities.com. Bob Roth is the author of three books: College Success, Advice For Parents Of High School And College Students, The 4 Realities Of Success During and After College -and- The College Student's Guide To Landing A Great Job. Follow his blog at: http://collegesuccess.blog.com.
______________________
About the Author
Bob Roth, a former campus recruiter, is the author of three books: College Success, Advice For Parents Of High School And College Students, The College Student's Guide To Landing A Great Job -and- The 4 Realities Of Success During and After College. Known as The "College & Career Success" Coach, Bob writes for College Career Services Offices, Campus Newspapers, Parent Associations and Employment Web Sites. www.The4Realities.com. Blog- http://collegesuccess.blog.com
Over the years, a number of important family values and behaviors have weakened or completely slipped away from the way many children are brought up. I'm talking about the things that make life better for us, our families, schools, neighborhoods and businesses.
All children should be brought up learning the values, manners and behaviors that will be beneficial to them, their families and the other members of our society. Parents teach these things by incorporating them into their daily lives. Values, manners and proper behaviors are learned by children when they are consistently practiced and become the norm for their families.
Here are some values and behaviors that should be taught by parents:
Respect For Other People
From an early age, children should be taught to be courteous to and show respect for their parents and other adults, especially the elderly, religious leaders, police officers, teachers, neighbors and local shop owners, etc. Disrespect should not be tolerated by parents. There can't be too much respect in the world.
The Golden Rule
Although the people in your neighborhood will be of different races, religions and from different countries, we all tend to believe that kindness, goodness and fair treatment are appreciated by us all. That's why children should be taught to follow some form of the golden rule. When that simple rule is regularly practiced by parents, it is easy for children to learn.
Respect For Property
Parents work hard for what they have and what they give their children. Therefore, children should learn to protect and take care of the things for which their parents have worked. That means their home and all of the things inside, including: The car, home furnishings, clothing, electronic equipment, sports equipment and their own toys, etc.
Additionally, children must be taught to respect other people's property. If they damage another child's toys or property, children should be expected to pay for the damage or make things right. Teaching children to take care their own things and being careful with other people's things is a lesson that should be taught by every parent.
The Value Of Education
Parents and young people alike know that a good education is one of the keys to a bright future. The best parents supervise homework assignments and make sure that their younger children are fully prepared for class. In addition to teachers and schools, parents have an obligation to see that their children are performing at their highest level. When young people fail to obtain a good education, their options quickly become limited.
The Importance Of Honesty
Parents must teach their children to tell the truth. That's because honesty is viewed as an indicator of whether one person can trust another person. Every child should know that there will be consequences, when they chose to tell a lie or lie by omission. In later life, dishonest children become dishonest adults.
Being Trustworthy
Every child should be expected to keep his/her promises. That's how children become trustworthy. Nobody can count on another person who doesn't tell the truth and doesn't do what they say they will do, when they say they will do it. If you want your children to grow up to be successful, you must teach them to be trustworthy. Success and trust go hand in hand.
The Value Of Hard Work
Nobody owes us anything except an opportunity to show others what we can do. Every child should accept the fact that they will have to earn what they get. That's why parents should encourage their children to be ambitious and hard working, so they can make something of themselves. When they face problems, well adjusted children will be strong enough to persevere. It's that hard work and perseverance that will lead to success.
Right and Wrong
Children learn the rules of good conduct as they grow up. These are the lessons taught by parents, religious leaders, teachers, fables, books and experience. However, to ensure that these lessons are learned, young people can be reminded of and given examples of the meaning of right and wrong.
Concerned parents should insist that their children do the right thing, even when it means coming in second or losing out completely. Doing wrong and hurting others, for the child's personal gain, is not the kind of behavior that should be acceptable. Doing the right thing is a behavior that speaks to the character and integrity of you and your children.
Good Manners
Good manners reflect directly on a child's parents. When the child is well mannered, everyone knows where they learned those manners. Politeness, courtesy, table manners, respect and language skills are all leaned at home.
A child's manners speak to their upbringing and can either facilitate future success or retard it. That's because, in our society and with rare exception, good manners are expected and required of those people who will become highly successful.
Responsibility
Parents can teach responsibility by requiring children to perform regular chores that are within their capabilities and by holding them accountable for their performance. This means that parents must first set a good example and take responsibility for their own behavior and outcomes. "Do as I say, not as I do" never works.
Self-Discipline
There is a lot to be said for patience and self-discipline. Parents should make a special effort to curtail any selfish and immature behavior on the part of their children. When children are not able to demonstrate self-control, personal restraint, self-discipline and civil behavior, they greatly hurt their chances for gaining the respect and loyalty of others. Nobody appreciates a immature, ill tempered, impatient, demanding and ill mannered child.
Ethical Behavior
Children who develop and practice unethical behavior and ignore acceptable standards of conduct, including our laws, will probably end up in jail. That's why concerned parents should always set a good example by consistently demonstrating the highest form of ethical behavior for their children.
Whenever a child demonstrates unethical behavior, parents must be quick to yank a knot in their tail. Otherwise those unethical children may grow up to be unethical adults, adults who do nothing but cause harm to others.
Forgiveness
This is a behavior that parents sometimes forget to teach. Resentment, holding grudges and looking for payback will destroy relationships and can even destroy the people involved. Whereas forgiveness will sometimes begin to heal a broken relationship. We all make mistakes and deserve the forgiveness of others.
All of the values and behaviors discussed above can contribute to the success of your children. However, as parents, it is your responsibility to both practice and teach these values and behaviors every day. Children watch their parents closely and remember what they see. When you show your children, through your words and actions, that these values and behaviors are important important to you, your children are far more likely to adopt them too.
Visit Bob's web site: www.The4Realities.com. Bob Roth is the author of three books: College Success, Advice For Parents Of High School And College Students, The 4 Realities Of Success During and After College -and- The College Student's Guide To Landing A Great Job. Follow his blog at: http://collegesuccess.blog.com.
______________________
About the Author
Bob Roth, a former campus recruiter, is the author of three books: College Success, Advice For Parents Of High School And College Students, The College Student's Guide To Landing A Great Job -and- The 4 Realities Of Success During and After College. Known as The "College & Career Success" Coach, Bob writes for College Career Services Offices, Campus Newspapers, Parent Associations and Employment Web Sites. www.The4Realities.com. Blog- http://collegesuccess.blog.com
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