How To Deal With Teen Tantrums

ou are familiar with the teen tantrum. One minute your teens are sane and logical; a minute later, they're all over you for "not understanding them." Don't get yourself too worked up over this: there is a physiological reason for their behavior. Take a deep breath because even this will pass.

Raging Hormones

There are two reasons why adolescent years are rocky. First, raging hormones are getting the better of teens' thinking abilities. At puberty, estrogen and testosterone are released into the bloodstream, creating havoc in the emotional center of the body, the limbic system.

This is one reason why your teenagers love explosive situations that allow their emotions and hormones to run wild.

Undeveloped Prefrontal Cortex

The second reason for teen tantrums is that the prefrontal cortex, the seat of their executive functions, their rational thinking skills, is not fully developed.

Most teenagers think with the amygdale rather than the prefrontal cortex; the amygdale is the reptilian part of the brain associated with memory and emotions. This is the part of the brain that is tumultuous and defensive.

Studies show that male adolescents who are more anxious and temperamental tend to have a smaller left anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), the part of the brain that regulates rational, cognitive functions such as reward expectation, motivation and decision making.

Studies also indicate that when confronted with a decision, teenagers rely heavily on the amygdale whereas adults rely on the more rational prefrontal cortex. It is no wonder that parents and teens do not see eye to eye. They are processing information from different regions of the brain.

Typical teen tantrums and impatience are due to a brain that is not fully developed. A truly mature brain does not emerge till age 25.

What can Parents Do in the Meantime?

1.Stay connected with your teen. How you work with your teen during the tantrum years will have a tremendous impact on him or her at 25.

2.Communicate to your teenager why certain behaviors are unacceptable. Then calmly explain what the consequences are. Just as calmly, enforce the consequences. Maintain a serious and judicious tone in dealing with a recalcitrant adolescent.

3.Get involved with your adolescent. Allow him or her to invite friends over. Include your teen and friends in family events. Avoid separating the adult world from the teen world.

Cultivating a strong bond with your teenager allows him or her to understand where you are coming from. Decreasing the distinction between the adult world and the teen milieu demystifies the "cult of the rebel." The need to rebel becomes more of an imperative when there is consensus among the disenchanted. Being open to your teen's social group dispels the need for disenchantment.

4.Be a positive role model for your teenagers. They are searching for someone who can give them a vision of what and who they can become. The more you can provide them with positive options and alternatives, the less treacherous the path will be for them when they turn 25.

The brain changes; people change. The defiant teen you know now can easily be your ally ten years down the road. Let me refer you to the words of a disgruntled 16 year old complaining about her older sister. "The problem at home is my older sister," she told me. "She was the one who was kicked out of the house for breaking all the rules. And now... the nerve of her...she's siding with my mom!"